Houseplants

houseplants/houseplants.md

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+#!/bin/env slides
+
+# Houseplants
+
+And how to keep them alive for 12 years.
+
+_by Bruce Hill_
+
+-----------------------------------------
+
+![sxiv -f -sf](leon.jpg)
+
+-----------------------------------------
+
+# My Houseplants
+
+![sxiv -f -sf](houseplants.jpg)
+
+I have a bunch spread across the apartment.
+This talk will walk you through some basics.
+
+-----------------------------------------
+
+# Buy a Plant
+
+- Go to Home Depot (good prices)
+- Trendy plant shops are overpriced (but have cute pots)
+- Read the labels on the plants for light conditions
+- Nice to have: a small watering can (~$2)
+
+-----------------------------------------
+
+# Easy Plants: Peace Lily
+
+![sxiv -f -sf](peace-lily2.jpg)
+
+- I've had mine for 12 years (!)
+- Low light
+- Very emotive
+- Pretty flowers sometimes
+
+-----------------------------------------
+
+# Side Note: Hot Fuzz
+
+![sxiv -f -sf](peace-lily.jpg)
+
+> Yes, I’ve been tending my Peace Lily for three
+> years now. NASA rates it as one of top ten air
+> cleaning plants. It oxygenates the room, it
+> helps me think, it relieves stress. Its needs
+> are simple.
+
+-----------------------------------------
+
+# Easy Plants: Snake Plant
+
+![sxiv -f -sf](snake-plant.jpg)
+
+- Low light
+- Needs good drainage
+- Tolerates infrequent/inconsistent watering
+- AKA "mother-in-law's tongue" lol
+- Can propagate with clippings
+
+-----------------------------------------
+
+# Easy Plants: Pothos
+
+![sxiv -f -sf](pothos.jpg)
+
+- Jungle plant
+- Low light
+- Dangly (nice for putting on a bookshelf)
+- Tolerates overwatering well (rainforest mutation)
+- Easy to propagate
+
+-----------------------------------------
+
+# Easy Plants: Succulents
+
+![sxiv -f -sf](succulents.jpg)
+
+- High light
+- Need good drainage
+- California vibes
+- Lots of variety
+- Weird alien plants
+
+-----------------------------------------
+
+# Drainage
+
+Most plants' roots will rot if left to sit in water.
+(Pothos and other rainforest plants are an exception)
+
+Ideally, you want damp soil, not standing water.
+
+Pots have drainage to solve this problem:
+
+- Little hole at the bottom to let excess water out
+- Catchment tray to catch the water
+- Unglazed clay pots are porous
+
+Plant pots are not buckets of dirt!
+
+You can put pots with drainage inside decorative pots,
+but don't forget to empty the water if it's coming out
+the bottom!
+
+-----------------------------------------
+
+# Watering Basics
+
+1. Poke your finger in the soil.
+2. If it's cold (wet), don't water. Damp soil is also darker.
+3. Slowly pour water on top of the soil.
+4. Wait a bit for it to settle (you can hear it)
+5. Be ready to dump out catchment tray if you poured too much.
+6. Ideal amount of water is a tiny bit coming out the bottom, or just shy.
+
+-----------------------------------------
+
+# Watering Tips
+
+- Very dry soil absorbs water **slower** than damp soil. For
+  very dry plants, pour a little bit, wait, pour a bit more.
+- When water drains out the bottom, it clears out accumulated
+  waste in the soil. Do this at least every once in a while.
+- For sensitive plants, leave water to sit for a few hours
+  before watering so chlorine in the tap water evaporates.
+- Add a bit of fertilizer to the water every so often to
+  provide essential nutrients.
+
+-----------------------------------------
+
+# (Re)potting
+
+Sometimes you want to move a plant to a new pot
+(e.g. if it's getting too big)
+
+- Go to a farmer's market and buy nice soil (Union Square)
+- Choose high/low drainage soil appropriately
+- Put plant in its old pot in the sink when dry
+- Dig your hands in and lift the plant out from the roots
+- Untangle the roots if they're too clumped up
+- Fill new pot with a bit of soil
+- Move plant into new pot and start packing in soil
+- Firmly tamp down the soil until it is a bit below the
+  rim of the pot.
+- Water the plant and be prepared to add more soil as it settles
+
+-----------------------------------------
+
+# Grow Lights
+
+- Good for dark apartments
+- Get them at a hardware store
+  - Grow bulb (~$10)
+  - Clamp lamp fixture (~$15)
+  - Timer (~$7)
+- Hook up to a timer
+- Plants are happy 😊
+- **Bonus:** wake up to artificial sunlight
+
+-----------------------------------------
+
+# Propagating
+
+- Plants want to grow and reproduce.
+- **Big Plant** wants to charge you money and keep you dependent.
+- Propagating lets you make more plants for free.
+- Different for each plant species.
+- Not that hard!
+
+1. Take clippings or sprouts
+2. Put in a cup or tray or bottle until they develop roots.
+3. Plant in soil.
+4. Profit!
+
+-----------------------------------------
+
+# Go Forth and Propagate!